Fear of failure

 

 

Last 10 years I’ve traveled on my own whether its study of aboard across the world, or work travel. But I was so scared, overwhelmed and anxious last December to book a ticket to my new adventure. I wanted to be the best, but felt my worst. I wanted to lead, but also felt invisible. Paralyzed by fear of the unknown and frozen by the fear of failing. There is so much I want to be. For God and for me.
 I then began to realize if I kept pushing that date back, I’d NEVER make my dream a reality and if I fail at least I know I tried. It would never be in perfect condition so I just had to go for it.  It will always be a work in progress, and that’s okay.

Starting is the hardest part. I think that holds true for a lot of things in life. Starting a job. Starting an adventure overseas. Starting new relationships. It’s the unknown that scares people. But fear is for people who don’t get out much, and me, I’ve learned to get out much.

 To me, life is about the journey, where you want that journey to ultimately take you, and what you’re going to do when you get there. If you never start the journey, you’re ultimately doing yourself a huge disservice. This can also be paralleled with throwing caution to the wind.

I also learned to put my trust in God and that putting my words down and releasing them into the universe was therapeutic in a way. Maybe I’m not the only one thinking those thoughts, and that was some kind of weird therapy for me. Maybe that helps you,        maybe it doesn’t. 

To combat any fear within yourself, know that you will never have all the answers to your questions and that perfection does not exist, so find the good in the imperfections. They make us human and relatable.

 

Love,

Faduma

 

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2019 Dreaming!

Hey Darlings,

So incredibly thankful for this amazing year. 2018, despite its hard beginning, became one of my favorite years I have spent on this earth…  The calm after the storm that was 2017.

2018 renewed my soul, brought me unlimited joy, and allowed
me to explore my passions. I have never felt more myself
as i did this year.

Forever grateful for the opportunities and experiences
this year gave to me.

I pray that the new year brings you everlasting happiness, blessings and peace!

Love, 

Faduma 

 

 

Goodread

Can you believe 2018 is almost over.  It has been pretty good year to me, and I’m sure it’s because I’ve made an effort to be more of an optimist. On a smaller scale, it’s probably also due to coffee and all the greats books I read  on travels. But maybe I’m projecting. You tell me.

Last year a lot of my books were self-help books. Helped me cope with changes and personal growth. Here are some of my favorite books I read on 2018. 


1. Kahlil Gibran’s The  Prophet –  I love love love this book written by one of my favorite author of all time.
The Prophet, is one of the most beloved classics. A collection of poetic essays that are philosophical, spiritual, and, above all, inspirational. Short but invaluable book of philosophy and encouragement It is filled with wisdom. Despite the religious implication
“You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” 

  1. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood:  I have loved this book since the first time I read it. It is horrifying, suspenseful, introspective, and just close enough to believable to be truly scary. If you only know the Republic of Gilead from the Hulu show (not the same), read this book.
  2. Becoming – I’m so thrilled to add Becoming to my list! A powerful, surprising and moving book as well as refreshingly candid that I think will be deeply inspirational to many. 


  3. Children of blood and bone by Tomi Adeyemi THE HYPE IS REAL!
    I always prefer to decide for myself if the new overhyped YA book is worth it… and I’m happy to say that this new Fantasy book totally was!

    This is genuinely the greatest debut fantasy novel, greatest fantasy novel in general that I have read in a very long time. Initially, I was TERRIFIED to read. The combination of its size and an epic high fantasy novel was very daunting to me, but I am so happy I picked it up. I cannot possibly recommend it enough.

  4. The Sun Does Shine How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row – am not sure where to put my feelings after finishing this book. I am appalled, sad but also filled with admiration for this inncent man on death row for over thirty years, who managed to retain hope and love. He hung on, didn’t give up.
    Before I read this book, I didn’t have an opinion on the death penalty, but now I do!!!

  5. Letters to a Young Muslim: is a compilation of letters from a father to his son. It is full of wisdom and thoughtful reflections on faith, culture and society.  Love that this book encourages the readers to celebrate individuality whilst recognizing it is our shared humanity that can bring us together.

  6. Good fantasy novel Melina Marchetta never fails to write heart-wrenching relationships and tragedy and pain, of which this was a stellar example. I loved and cried over my favorite characters and the hardships and obstacles that they encountered.
             Froi of the Exiles (Lumatere Chronicles, #2)
             Quintana of Charyn (Lumatere Chronicles, #3)

  7. All The Light We Cannot See – follows the complex arcs of two such invisible lines through the lives of Werner Pfennig, an orphan boy in pre-World War II Germany and Marie-Laure Leblanc, a blind girl living in Paris with her father.
    The writing was incredible, the descriptions so vivid. It did a superb job of showing the reader how the characters felt through their actions, rather than telling.



  8. An immersive story of an interesting and well thought out land with lovable and hate-able characters. Just what I needed. Perfect mini escape from the real world, into magic ❤

    • Assassin’s Apprentice (Farseer Trilogy, #1)
    • Royal Assassin (Farseer Trilogy, #2)
    • Assassin’s Quest (Farseer Trilogy, #3) 

  9. Ruby by cynthia bond –  It rips your soul out of your body with it’s strong, dark presence. You beg to be released from the grips of this story. 

  10. Born a Crime: Stories From a South African Childhood – If you’re going to read this book, definitely listen to the audio version.
    Feels like he is sitting down with you and telling you his life story. Not only that, but you get to learn quite a bit about pre- and post-Apartheid South Africa from the perspective of someone who hypothetically shouldn’t exist.
    Noah’s mother is black and his father is white, and when he was born any mixed-race relationships were illegal.

 

Winter Blues

Happy 1st of December 🙂

There’s no way around it — winter is here. We were spoiled in the east for a little bit there, 
but now, Mother Nature ain’t playing no games.

I’m coming to terms with the colder temps, but it’s a sad, heartbreaking process. It takes me twice as long to get ready these days, mostly because I’m wearing twice as many layers.

It’s not all tears and frostbite for me, though. With coat,
Vitamin D and a cup of hot coffee to go, I have what I consider a sure cure for the winter blues.

 

 

Thanksgiving

We are in what is known as the transitional time of the year.
You’ll see the headlines everywhere — How to transition your wardrobe from summer to fall — and they’re not entirely unhelpful.
This summer I became enamored with vintage-inspired fashion and oversized sweaters (I’ve super low white blood cell count, so I’m always feeling cold.) I would’ve lamented their loss if I thought I couldn’t wear them for just a little bit longer.
Thankfully, an oversized blazer proved to be just the styling tip I needed to transition it from wispy summer goddess.

I still can’t quite put my finger on; can anyone tell me how Thanksgiving is this week? I know everyone is already asking it, but where did 2018 go? I feel like it was just yesterday that I was laying out my goals and dreams for the year.
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Its fall and the leaves are gorgeous, and everything looks beautiful (except when snow shows up October)!
What are you grateful for this Thanksgiving? We assume there will always be more of something — friendship, health, money, days of summer — I don’t regard what I have in the present with as much reverence as it deserves. I don’t want anything back, but I do want to practice gratefulness for what I’ve experienced. Life has kept me moving and going and achieving, just knowing there’ll be more of everything to come.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
I hope you all enjoy a wonderful day spent with loved ones; eating delicious food.

Love,

Faduma

Past and future letter to myself

I was recently asked to write a letter to my younger and future self for my linguistics class. It was very hard to write, but It was a powerful exercise that I believe everyone should experience. Here is my letter…

Sweet young Fai,

Where do I start… Oh, the places you’ll go – It seems like you’ll never leave your small town life, but all of this will change with years to come. Lots will change when you go to college. Your decision to do a study of abroad in London and move to the across the country for med-school will be stressful at times but you will be happy you did. The friends and memories you make will be lifelong. Those you meet on your journey will embrace you. As you meet new people, be kind. Smile, make friends, get to really know them, and treat everyone well even if they don’t.

Don’t waste any opportunities that are brought to you. Just one rare opportunity can change your life forever. Knowing all the elements in the periodic table may seem lame and nerdy in middle school, but believe me it will come in handy. You will have a career that will take you to places you can only dream of. That cereal you brag hooyo (mom) to buy for you and the fancy makeup at the mall that you cannot afford someday you will be the formulation Research Scientist behind it. So many great things will happen. I can’t explain to you what they are but you know soon.

Your body is embarrassing to you and your introvert attitude is intimidating to others, but you will realize is what makes you, you. You’ll grow to love it. Your circle of friends will change; and the ones that fall like leaves, will be the ones your mom have predicted. Her repetitive advice will finally sink in. See that your sisters are your best friends and biggest supporters.

I can’t stress how much your parents love you. They’re willing to do anything for you and will give up all to make you happy! Your dad will need you more than ever, especially the last year of his life – remember what he’s given up for you. Make sure you’re willing to give everything up for him. Your mom will go through many dark stages but you will all be her light. Sometimes it will be hard to stay in that “I’m so blessed” mode when part of your world is missing. But even with the biggest lump in your throat you’ll wake up with so much gratitude; because you know It Could Always Be Worse.

Hold tight to your beliefs, your love for God, and your roots. Somedays it will be difficult to give back and easy to give up on Somalia, but you will find a way for Somalia to love you as much as you love Somalia. Speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. There will be a lot of obstacles in your path. But remember, the struggle you go through will make you become patient, kind, compassionate and humble.

Love,

Future you

Dear Future Faduma Sahra,

Take a breath. I wanted to write this letter to tell you how far you’ve come, even if you don’t feel it. You’ve been doing this adulting thing for a while now, and it’s safe to say you don’t totally suck at it. I admire your passion for God, people, and travel, and I hope you never lose that. When life gets hard, I hope you always remember how strong, funny, and capable you are! May you never forget the times you’ve endured and use that strength and courage to know that you can overcome. May you always choose fear over comfort!

I hope you don’t allow the pressure and opinions of others to be a catalyst for decision making in your life. I hope you continue to put God first and keep building that relationship. Remember that this life is much bigger than you. I hope you continue to use your passion and purpose to propel others. On that contrary, I hope you married, the love of your life and you are living out of your dreams.

I can’t wait to celebrate the future with you, and watch you develop into who God’s called you to be. You are so enough, even when you don’t feel like it.  I would be remiss to end this letter without telling you how proud I am of you. You are one the strongest people I know. I love you so much, and I hope that you keep learning to love all the parts of you, not just the ones that easier to love.

Love,

Faduma

Fall: Life Changes

Every year I get excited as the temperatures begin to drop, the leaves on the trees begin to change array of reds, oranges, and yellows. It’s almost autumn, my favorite season fun foods, festivities, and cooler weather – dreaming of pumpkin lattes, apple pie and campfire S’mores.

There’s something about the change to cooler weather that causes a mindset shift for me every year. Maybe the fact that my birthday is in November has something to do with it – a reminder to me to take a look back at the past year and reflect. It’s a time to sit down and analyze what went well this year, what I would still like to accomplish, and what I want next year to look like.
Once I’ve mapped out the final months of the year, I turn my attention to the year ahead. This process hasn’t always been easy for me, and I never really had a method to my madness. I would simply brainstorm a giant list of things that I want to do and insha’Allah(God-willing) accomplish.

I’m proud of myself for accomplishing some of the goals I set last fall. Putting my career on hold to focus on my nonprofit (although, nerve-wracking decision) was great idea. The past year I did the most personal growth leaving my comfort zone, letting go one-way relationship, and unhealthy friendships to create space for something better. I think it goes without saying that growth is necessary. It’s a thing that happens, right? As we continue to live, we continue to change, and much has been said about this type of change.One of my favorite quotes on change comes from a world renowned philosopher: “Everybody look at you strange, say you changed. Like you work that hard to stay the same.” Jay-Z

I’ve heard the phrase “growing pains” used to describe it, but that doesn’t quite fit for me because what I’m experiencing isn’t painful. I feel more than anything like I’m in a stage of change where things are infinitely possible, and being open to all of those possibilities is resulting in an awkward floundering and figuring out. It’s not painful, just unclear at times.

One of goals was to let go unhealthy friendships so; recently, I’ve been evaluating the quality of my friendships. I don’t have a lot of friends and my circle is definitely smaller than it used to be, but that would be unfair, because I have a lot of people that I feel blessed to call my friends. People who support me, and have been there for me in amazing times, and times where I’ve felt like I was down and I’d like to hope it’s reciprocal. Friendship like any relationships needs attention in order to thrive. I wanted to share a few ways on how I try to invest in my friendships

  •  Be there – Unrequited love sucks- romantic relationships or not. In my opinion a lack of effort shows a lack of interest. People are likely to do for you when they know that you wouldn’t hesitate to support them as they do you. Friendship isn’t tit for tat, but it’s can be unmotivating to cross oceans for people who wouldn’t cross puddles for you.
    But what does it really mean to be present? I like to think of being present as beyond physically being avail because truth is life happens, and physical proximity just isn’t always possible. Being present to me looks like, paying attention, asking questions, engaging, not assuming (working on this) and meeting people where they are at. I can’t stress the importance of meeting people where they are at. We’ve got to learn to meet people where they’re at and help them develop.
  • Asking for what you need. I like to think of asking for what you need as a good form of self-advocacy. Relationships are likely to drift apart when we feel like our needs aren’t being met. Doesn’t it suck when you feel like people aren’t there for you? People aren’t mind readers, and can’t always anticipate our needs; so for the sake the relationship, it helps to let people know what you need, and also asking them what they need. Sometimes asking for what you need requires some vulnerability, and that can be hard for some people including myself.
  •  I don’t subscribe to the “no new friends” stance, but as you get older building genuine relationships can prove to be somewhat difficult because there’s a lot years that this person is just catching up on and vice versa, and the question of trust comes into play. Like, how much can I trust you, vice versa. These things take time, obviously. However, I’m always weary of the people who are friends with everyone or have to question where a person’s loyalty lie.It can be pretty difficult to friendship without a good communication. Like being able to say, hey that happened and I felt like this. That means sharing, sharing when you’re good and bad news. Communication means no secret keeping. If I can’t trust you to be open about the small things or celebrate your success, are we even friends? Cheers to being friends who are there during highs and low. I don’t know about you, but it’s important for me to have friends celebrate the good times just as much as the ugly.

But for all that has been said of change and the benefits of it, the good that comes along with the fresh new eyes you get from growth, I wish more was said of that weird space in between.

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